Sunday, April 21, 2013

I never stopped loving him...

Thank GOD for my husband.  He is an amazing man, he's so good to me.  He's good to my children.  He takes such good care of us.  I know that I had to go through what I did to be ready for him, and he had to go through the things he did to be ready for me.  I am so grateful for him.  I love him.  And he makes everything okay.

These words were written on 28 Feb 2013.  A month later, my world came crashing down on me.  I can't describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach, the hurt, the fire, the indescribable agony.  It was actual physical pain.  There is NOTHING in the world like having to read things my husband, who should be mine, and mine alone, has written/said to another woman.  Things he should only say to me...

My heart has been broken. *I* am broken.  And God is repairing me.  I am in a refiner's fire for a purpose I don't know, but I am here.  God is mine too, and He is love.  He helps me continue to love this man who has committed a huge betrayal in my life and the lives of our children.  But the Lord has lifted me.  He has come to my aid any time I have asked.  Which has been often.

I know this man did something horribly wrong.  But my husband is a good man who made a terrible mistake.  And he has been working really hard to gain my trust and fix this.  So if someone asks me if people can change, I say YES.  Because they can.  This is going beyond just good behavior to get out of trouble.  Because I've had that before.  This is a man who loves me, trying to shield himself from some of my very ugly behaviors.

We will be okay.  I love him, and he loves me.   This is NOT who he is and we WILL not let him be defined by it.

Thank you, Lord, for the tender mercies that have been shown to both of us in this trial.  We have felt the love of the Savior in our lives and hearts.  This is a time where we will look back down the beach to see one set of footprints in the sand.  Yours.  Thank You.

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