Thursday, December 31, 2015

I remember...

I remember the day when my life changed forever.  I remember the INSTANT that it changed.  And today, I am watching my 20 year old daughter struggle with what has happened that has changed her life forever.  I remember the horrible things people said, trying to be helpful.  "It was God's will..."  I hated them for it, because I couldn't figure out how someone would think that would be helpful.  And as my daughter grieves for the man she loves, as his parents grieve their 19 year old son's loss... people are telling her and them, "It was God's will..."  I don't believe that it was God's will.  Did God know it would happen?  Yes.  But the minute that man stopped, and then made the decision to cross those railroad tracks, it was the aftermath of that decision that was at play there.  God will put him to work, I'm sure.  But God knows how much good he would have done here.

I am beyond sad.  I know what it feels like to bury a child.  I know what it's like to have people tell me things that aren't helpful.  I remember what it feels like to go through the motions of planning a funeral like a robot, numb from pain and grief.  It breaks my heart that my daughter, at the tender age of 20, has to go through this, without any benefit of being married to him.  People will not understand the depth of her pain, as if the relationship meant less because they were not yet married when he died.

I am praying for my daughter, for his family, and for the employees of the railroad who were unable to stop the wheels set in motion, just stand by and stop the train after it hit his car.  It is a horrible situation I would never wish on anyone.  I hope and pray that peace will come to those who are mourning the loss of this great kid.