Wednesday, April 10, 2013


That is the name he gave her.  I've read text messages.  I feel like I'm on fire on the inside when I think about it or talk about it too long.  I can't even express the anguish I am going through.  And to her, it is nothing.  I'm sure she just figures it's only a matter of time...

My chest hurts.  My heart skips beats sometimes.  And my brain is just in an incredible fog.  And I'm alone.  I feel desperately solitary in this situation.  I sometimes wish I didn't love him so much.  And I also don't know how I'm going to get over the feeling of distrust I have.  How do I know he's not eating lunch with her?  How do I know that he has really broken it off?

I'm attempting to move forward, and not focus on it and nothing else.  That is easier said than done.  All he has to do is say, "I love you," and I'm off and running in my head.  Thinking about how horrible this wrong has been for me.  Wondering how he can possibly mean it when he said it to someone else just a week ago...?

And THEN, there's *her*.  I cannot describe the feeling of loathing I have for this person.  The absolute lack of compassion for what she's put me and our family through.  She knows we have six kids.  And she's a bitch.  I have nothing nice to say about her, so perhaps I should just stop there.

I have never felt as ugly and dirty as I do right now.  Every time I shower I think about how I feel like *she* is still "on me".  I don't know how to explain it.  And he swears he hasn't slept with her.  But he doesn't tell me the truth half the time.  I asked for his text messages, and he didn't tell me no, but he told me that it wasn't moving forward...  HOW can I move forward when I know that you've been getting pictures of another woman's breasts and telling her you love HER??????????????????????????????

I hope she drops off the face of the earth and gets sucked into a black hole.  I wish I could facilitate that for her.  But since I can't, I think I will just use my paper voodoo pad on her.  Bitch.

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